


Two Hoodies

by ChaosticLoki



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Author does NOT believe ship is real, Copsejustdidnthearhimiswear, Depressedsykkuno, Hoodies, I made Corpse faint and I'm not sorry, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other, Pining, Sadkunno, Sorry Not Sorry, buttheyboththinkitsnot, unintentionalignoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosticLoki/pseuds/ChaosticLoki
Summary: Sykkuno didn't understand his feelings, was it jealousy? Was it self loathing, was it love? Did he have feelings for someone he shouldn't have them for? He didn't know, and he kinda hated that he didntWas Corpse stupid? Yes probaly, it was a proven fact, but how had he not notice his bestfriend, and somebody he loved, leaving the game? Did he do something? Probaly, or at least he thinks he didLoosely based off today's stream!(12/24/2020)I noticed Sykkuno talking about how he tried to order two hoodies and being unable to, and corpse not hearing him, talking to Bretmen about sending him him one and asking for his size, pretty much ignoring Sykkuno(Yes I know there's a part before that where he says he will hand deliver Sykunno a hoodie, and signed but /angst/)In no way do I believe they would intentionally ignore each other! This is all just fictionBtw if corpse or sykkuno asks everyone to take down fics I will be doing so!! but this is 100% and none real at allThis is my first multi chap thing so bare with me! point out any mistakes if you notice, feel free to suggest things to be! and enjoy!(Sorry for anyone's hearts I hurt...)
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 144
Kudos: 890





	1. Sykkuno~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sykkuno's POV:  
> Sykkuno feels a little jealous, not that he really knows he feels such  
> ~~
> 
> I made a twitter to keep whoever wants to follow updated!! its on private so nobody outside of people who read can follow, dont want the wrong people finding it :) 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09

"I um… tried to buy two hoodies, you know an extra in case I lose one! Or something happens to one!" He giggled out covering his face as he normally did when laughing, or smiling, ignoring the chat as a sudden spam of message after message came in

_ 'you tried to buy two?' _

_ 'Those were like sixty dollars!' _

_ 'Holy shit you’re such a shrimp' _

_ '#corpsekkuno' _ _  
_ _  
'how?!?!’ _

“But there was this line, and I couldn't get them!" Sykkuno cried looking at his screen to look at where he, Corpse and Bretmen were standing, talking about the newest release of Corpse's Merch about how they hadn't been able to get any do to a line.    
_ ‘Oh no!’   
‘Rip’   
‘That’s… unfortunate’   
‘Maybe Corpse will send you one! He’s talking about sending one to Bretmen’ _   
That one caught his attention bringing his focus back to the game , wiggling his character around the two others as they talked.

"Hey hey Bretmen what's your size, I'll make sure to send you one" Corpse said speaking to Bretmen completely missing what Sykkuno said, focusing on what Bretmen was saying “didn’t know there would be a line for everything, that's insane, today has been insane, sold out in ten minutes, that was nuts”

He frowned looking away from his screen momentarily as a ping of…. Hurt? Echoed in him as he was talked over, ignore..., as Corpse spoke to Bretmen about his size and about sending him one of the hoodies since he had missed it.

He detached his character from the two running down the hall, away from them, not wanting to hear the two talk to each other anymore, or hear about the blasted hoodie being sent to Bretmen anymore, he ran away, wanting the hurt feeling of Corpse ignoring him to go away, wanting it to go away because it was selfish of him to be hurt by it.

Corpse could talk to Bretmen.

Corpse doesn't need to answer Sykkuno, he was talking to someone else, why did he even mention it? It's not like it could be help, they had been sold out, it wasn't Corpse's fault they where, wasn't his fault that Sykkuno felt like a failure for not being able to support his friend

_ Not his fault that Sykkuno wanted one badly so he could feel closer to Corpse… _

_ 'He did offer to send Bretmen one' _ his mind supplied him darkly over taking any other thoughts he had,  _ 'and not you, you're his best friend.. Or so you thought and he hadn't even offered, he offered someone else and not you sykkuno, cleary he doesn't like you anymore' _

"He doesn't have to" he mumbled lowly, the chat catching on and spamming question mark's in confusion, asking what he said, noticing something was wrong, spamming it over and over again, asking what's wrong

"O oh sorry!" He addressed the chat, forcing a smile on his face, forcing out a laugh, it felt fake to him, but it seemed to ease his chat a little, the concern messages dying out   
"was just talking to myself! You know?"

He turned his attention back to the game, not saying a word causing the chat to spam a bit more but he tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the game, and on breathing

He blinked as he noticed he was dead, he sighed moving his ghost around finishing his task before sitting back staring at the screen blankly

_ "Breeeeetmannnn" _ a deep voice called out "you still haven't told me youre size so I can send you a hoooooodie"

"Oh yeah!" Bretmen said in his high pitch voice "I'm a size" their voices faded out as they walked away from where he was still floating

"Thank you for the 50 gift subs" He said blainly, not even saying the name, he detached from reality watching the game without really watching it

_ *victory!* _ flashed against his screen about five minutes later, drawing him back into reality, he cleared his throat clicking the join lobby button, loading back into the lobby where everyone was talking

Especially Corpse and Bretmen talking in the corner

_**"So I can"** _

_**"You"** _

_**"Really it's nothing"** _

"I think I'm going to get off" He blurted out softly, his mouth going faster than his brain, wanting out of the lobby, wanting out of hearing the conversation happening in the corner, just wanting out in general.

Causing himself to shock as he said it, having not planned it, he was supposed to be streaming the entire time, playing the entire time, he was going to let people down but he couldn't take it anymore, tears prickling in his eyes. "Goodbye Corpse"

He repeated himself as nobody said anything to him saying it, no goodbyes, no talk to you later   
  


_...No goodbye from Corpse like normal, why had he got so used to Corpse saying goodbye to him? When did that happen? _ _  
  
_

But he figured nobody heard him focused on talking to others, thinking he was too quiet to be heard, "I'm gonna get off" he waited a second, before he just clicked the leave button, exiting the lobby, nobody saying anything again.

He focused his attention to his streaming, the forced smile still on his face, the force laughter coming out as he said goodbye to them

"That's all for the day chat! Thank you for joining today's stream, sorry it was short, I'm feeling a little off today"

He ignored the spam of 'are you okay' from them, his force smile still there, still present even though all he wanted to do was cry, cry until he couldn’t cry anymore.

"Thanks to everyone for the subs, ummmm" he glanced toward the streaming area "lets raid Karl today" he finished, closing out of his stream without another word.

He mumbled nothing to himself, standing up, he tried to ignore the tears welling up, not wanting to cry over something so stupid

He walked toward his bed, staring at it before collapsing on top of it.

pulling his blanket over him, curling up, he took a few deep breaths, trying to hold back his tears as he thought about Corpse ignoring him, about Corpse sending Bretmen a hoodie, about his feelings, the confusion he felt most times when talking to his friend… he forced his thoughts to trail off.

_ It shouldn't bother him. _

_ Shouldn't hurt him like it did.  
_ _  
_ _  
_ _ Shouldn’t leave this aching feeling in his chest like it was. _

_ Shouldn't do anything to him. _

_ Deep down it shouldn’t. _

_ But deep down it did.  
_ __  
_  
_ __ Leaving him feeling strangely… empty… numb.. inside.

He sighed, turning in his bed, staring at the white wall, forcing himself asleep, forced himself into it so he didn't have to think about any more of his feelings.

He didn't hear the dinging of his phone, the soft sound of his phone barely noticeable even in the quiet room, signaling to nothing that someone had texted him.

_ ~Sykkuno? _


	2. ~Corpse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corpse's POV:  
> Corpse finallu notices Sykkuno is not in the game, how hadn't he noticed before now? he didn't know, but he hated himself for it  
> ~~  
> I made a twitter to keep whoever wants to follow updated!! its on private so nobody outside of people who read can follow, dont want the wrong people finding it :) 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two!! I did promise id write more, If you notice any tags i should have, or errors lemme know!  
> If you want to suggest something to be added in later things also please lemme know! ill try to fit some things in!

_ Previously _

_ ~Sykkuno?  _

_ __ _

Corpse fidgeted at his desk, drumming his fingers against the wood, glancing down to his phone and backup to the game, trying to focus on it, but his mind was hyper focusing on the fact that there was only nine people in it, instead of ten like it had been

His mind was even more so hyper focused on the fact that it was a little green figure that was missing, his anxiety spiking as he realized nobody had even noticed the missing player until Corpse had went to ask Sykkuno his where abouts,  _ not even him _

_ " _ RAE'S THE IMPOSTOR I SAW HER VENT" Hafu screamed out reporting a body, transporting them to the table

"It's Hafu!" Rae shouted back, her and Hafu voting stickers popping up, voting each other "she killed in front of me and self reported!"

"I did  **_not_ ** " Hafu said "I swear it's Rae guys!"

"What happened" Toast cut them off, trying to get an actual explanation that they could hear instead of overlapping noises

"Rae vented in front of me in med bay, I ran down the hall to go report and found Abey Baby's body outside on the middle of the hall and reported" Hafu said, in reality Rae had been about to report it, having caught her in the act

"Rae?"

"I was walking from the office, after helping Corpse fix the lights"

"Corpse?"

"Yeah she was there"

"And saw Hafu killing Abey Baby as I turned the corner, I wasn't near Med, to even be able to vent, Corpse just confirmed that!"

"Where was everyone else?" Karl spoke up, having been quiet, letting everyone else talk

"Garden" Toast

"Still in office" Corpse mumbled looking back and forth between Rae and Hafu name

"I was in reactor" Karl said where he was, Corpse blinked

"Sy, what were you doing?" Corpse asked looking toward his chat briefly even if he didn't read much during streams, noticing Sykkuno hasn't said a word in a while, he didn't remember Sykkuno dying, or them talking about it so he should be alive?

*silence*

"Sy?" Corpse

"Sykkuno?" Toast

"Hey kkuno?" Rae 

He focused back, looking down the list of names, reading them off softly out loud as his eyes moved down

_ Valkyrae _

_ Toast _

_ Him _

_ Bretmen _

_ Hafu(Imposter) _

_ Karl _

_ Abey baby(dead)(body being called) _

_ Deeryan _

_ BrookeAB(dead)(other imp) _

NIine just  _ nine _ players, no tenth, not even a grayed out name, a gray out name that would mean Sykkuno had just disconnected or died and they hadn't noticed.

No, there was just  _ nine _ players and nobody had  _ fucking _ noticed until now

_ How had he not noticed Sykkuno leaving? Had he even said goodbye? How long has he been gone? What happened? Was Sykkuno okay? Did something happen and he hadn't noticed?  _ **_Why hadn't he noticed Sykkuno leaving?_ **

He scowled himself for not noticing, glaring at his computer screen, the nine names mocking him, taunting him, seamlessly whispering to him that he was a horrible friend for not noticing, that he  _ should _ have noticed, that

"Oh Sykkuno isn't here" his thoughts were interrupted by Bretmens pitched voice "there's only nine people in game"

_ Nine people. _

_ How did you not notice? _

"I checked his stream, he's not streaming anymore" Rae called out, He could hear a few keys being clicked, and the clicking of a mouse echoing from someone's mic. 

Amplified, overwhelming  _ clicking, echoing in his ears to the point he thought he was clicking something _ .

He reached for his phone, hand's shaking as he attempted to pull up his Discord app, finally opening it and easily locating his and Sykkuno chat at the very tap, the very last thing being sent was a picture of Sy and Bimbus

_ ~Sykkuno? _

He sat his phone back down, looking back up towards the game, voting to skip as everyone else started to vote, having no information on anyone.

"Wander what happened" Brooke said as their characters stood around the table 

"Did anyone even notice him leaving" Hafu said, the yellow figure moving on the screen, running circles around the table "Or when he left?"

_ 'You didn't'  _ his mind whispered at him ' _ you didn't notice him missing, you don't even know how long he has been, what kind' _

"I didn't" Toast

"Me nether" Ryan

"Nope, i thought he was still here!" Karl

"Chat says he hasn't been in the last two games" Rae whispered, her for once in stream, soft voice cutting through everyone speaking

**_'Two games?!?! The last TWO?!?! Games?!?!'_ ** His mind screamed at him, he clenched harshly at his desk, ignoring the stab of pain it caused, welcoming it a bit as it slowed down his thoughts a bit. 

"Two games?" He heard faintly, his ears ringing loudly, heart pounding, barely realizing it was him choking out the words, his vision beginning to blur

_ 'He hadn't noticed Sykkuno missing for two games? Two whole games? Games that could take anywhere between 25 minutes up to 45 or longer and he hadn't  _ **_noticed?!'_ **

_ ~Sy? _

"That's what chat is saying"

Corpse glanced over toward his chat, eyes roaming over words almost blankly, taking them in.

_ 'He left after the Mira round two games ago' _

_ 'He was zoning out towards the end?' _

_ 'Sent his viewers to raid Karl' _

_ 'Did you really not notice?' _

Did you really not notice? Did you really not notice? Did you really not notice? Did you really not notice? Did you really...

' _ He said he was tired' _

_ 'He said he was feeling a little off' _

_ 'He tried to say bye to you and the rest but nobody noticed/heard' _

Wait… what?

_ 'He tried to say bye to you and the rest but nobody noticed/heard' _

"He tried to say goodbye and nobody noticed?" He said out loud as he read it, eyes widened as he did ' _ he said goodbye and nobody noticed?... _

"What was that?" Toast spoke up, hearing Corpse mumble something 

~ _ Sy, please answer? _

"My chat says Sykkuno said goodbye and that he was getting off but that everyone ignored him… d did any of you hear him?"  _ Deep breaths Corpse, you can't panic on the stream, you can’t panic, there going to notice, you can't. _

"I thought he was still playing" Karl chuckled, trying to lighten the situation a little with laughter, but it just made Corpse panic more, the others echoing that they too had thought he was still playing,  _ how had he not noticed? _

_ 'Two game's of not noticing'  _ his mind supplied him again, torturing him with the fact he hadn't, his chest tightening to the point he couldn't breathe, couldn't  _ think, couldn’t breathe, his vision blurred a little more than normal, how hadn't he noticed? _ _  
  
_

' _ Two games of being a shit friend' _

_ ~please… _

_ Ten seconds _

_ Toast voted _

_ Bretmen voted _

_ Karl voted _

_ DeerRyan voted _

_ Valkyrae voted _

_ Hafu voted _

_ Corpse  _

_ Valkyrae two votes _

_ Hafu three votes _

"CORPSE YOU DIDN'T VOTE" Rae screamed out, as Hafu's bfy was ejected out, the victory screen displaying across 

" _ Sorry" you still won, it didn't matter if he voted or not _

_ ~Sy? You okay? _

_ " _ I think that's all for me today" He forced his voice to stay happy, forced it not to sound like he was crying,  _ was he crying? He had to be, there were wet spots across his desk. _

"Oh! Okay Corpse!" Rae said "talk to you later! See you later! Hope you have a goodnight! And a Merry Christmas"  _ Oh right… it was Christmas eve.. _

_ You don't deserve a goodbye, Sykkuno didn't get one.. _

"Play with you later Corpse" Toast said, he listened to the others telling him goodbye.

_ He didn't deserve it. _

_ Corpse has left the game. _

_ ~Sykkuno? Please answer me Sy?, I'm worried. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ -Can you check on Sykkuno for me… please? I’m worried.- _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Why couldn’t he breathe?  _ He went to stand up, pushing away from his desk,  _ oh  _ he thought as the room tilted, growing black   
  
_ Thud _ ,  _ Ding! _   
  


_ -sure- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I don't blame anyone who might hate me xD
> 
> Thank you to pretty much everyone who commented and kudo! I didn't expect so many people to read it!


	3. ~Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toast receives a message from the grave, Corpse, lmao sorry lame joke, I know, but I had to XD and begins to worry more than what he already was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toast's POV!! because it was requested by someone!  
> ~~  
> BTW this is 100% Fiction!! I don't believe any of them would ever really act this way, and if one of them did, that would be okay because people just have those off out of there usual self days, this is fiction, its not suppose to be 100% in character, especially when its angst  
> ~~  
> I made a twitter to keep whoever wants to follow updated!! its on private so nobody outside of people who read can follow, dont want the wrong people finding it :) 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09

_ ~Previously _ _  
_ _  
_ _ -Can you check on Sykkuno for me… please? I’m worried- _ _  
_ _  
_ _ -Sure- _

_  
_ _ _ _ _  
_ _ Ring Ring _ _  
_ Toast frowned as his cellphone rang, lighting up once again, pulling it away from his ear, glaring down at the screen as yet another call went through without an answer, he sighed, gripping it tighter, tight enough that he felt like it would snap in half on him.   
  
“God damnit Sykkuno! Answer your  _ damn _ phone _!! _ ” He yelled out loud, clicking the contact once again, basically stabbing the screen with how forceful he jabbed at it, praying Sykkuno would answer it this time.   
  
_ Ring ring,  _ ‘please pick up Sykkuno’ He thought as it rang more and more, a seemingly never ending headache inducing sound, still gripping his phone tightly ‘please’.

  
“ _ Hi um, it's Sykkuno! Oh um you know that! I’m sorry i couldn't make it to the phone righ-” _ _  
_ Toast hung up before the slightly monotone voice of his friend could finish speaking the pre recorded greeting.   
  
He rushed out of his room, ignoring Michael’s concerned look and soft call of  _ Toast? _ as he did, he grabbed his coat off the hook as he opened the door, shrugging it on, Yanking open the door of his car, sliding in making the decision that if Sykkuno wasn't going to answer the phone he would just show up without any warning, even if he wanted to give him some type of warning, knowing Sykkuno could sometimes get startled at unannounced things.   
He tried calling one last time in the hopes he would answer, in hopes that if Sykkuno would answer his worry would go away, that everything was okay if Sykkuno answered.   
  
_ Ring  _ the phone buzzed once  _ ring _ the phone buzzed again  _ rin- _ _  
_ _ Click _ _  
  
_

_ “Hello?”  _ _  
_ _ ‘Shit everything isn't okay’  _ He could clearly hear the tears in Sykkuno’s voice, the hitching in Sykkuno’s voice a clear sign the other had been crying.   
_  
_ “Sykkuno?” He spoke as the clicking of the call connecting sounded, his friend's voice calling out the small  _ hello _ , he pulled his phone away from his face enough to glance down at his phone to make sure it had actually connected before placing it back against his ear at the  _ call .20 seconds  _ displayed across his screen, the action somehow grounding to him.

  
" _ Toast?"  _ Sykkuno's sleep ridden voice whispered through the other end, sounding confused as fuck, Toast couldn’t blame him, they normally texted back and forth, not feeling the need to call, and before Sykkuno lived with him so if there was any need for them to actually talk to each other they would just knock each others doors.

"Thank god you're okay” He sighed, losing his grip slightly as the sound of his friend made the rising panic he felt drain away from him slightly, his body relaxing its tense position a little, still lingering but not as overwhelming as it was before “I'm on my way over."    
  


" _ What...Toast?... What, it’s, ooh, Toast it’s um three in the morning what do yo-?" _ _  
  
_

_ " _ I'm on my way over" He repeated cutting his friend off, hanging up, not giving Sykkuno another chance to say anything else, not trusting himself to focus on the road if he stayed on the line, twisting his seat belt on, clicking it in as he turned on the car, pulling out of the driveway.

_ Ding! _ _  
_ _  
_ He glanced at his phone that he had tossed onto the passengers seat, the phone lighting up to display the simple text. _  
_ _  
_ _ `what's wrong?` _ _  
_ _  
_ _ What's wrong?  _ His mind repeated back at him, the text somehow mocking even though it was such a simple question to ask someone, such an innocent question to ask someone

What’s wrong? they hadn't noticed, that's what was wrong, and even though he knew it was none of their faults, shit happens, people get too involved in focusing on things, in talking all at once so they miss some things being said, in games, life itself, _it happens,_ missing the fact your friend was missing for two games?, it happens.  
  
‘ _It happens, to so many people’._ He mumbled to himself, trying to convince himself of the fact but he didnt believe it, friends didn't just not notice one leaving a call, a game, and most importantly they didn't miss one of them saying they were getting off.  
  
_It happens but Toast was still upset at himself that he hadn’t noticed, even if it happens, he was upset. How long have he and Sykkuno been friends for? he should have noticed.. Right?_ _  
__  
_ But he hadn’t and he hated himself a bit for not noticing how anyone missed Sykkuno leaving was beyond him, but things happened and he tried to forget it.  
He _tried_ to forget that they hadn’t noticed, that _he_ hadn’t noticed, he tried to forget as he continued streaming, finishing the match with the others.   
Sykkuno was an adult, he would be fine, he could take care of himself, and if he wasn't okay he would contact someone, right? Even if it wasn't Toast himself.  
  
He tried to forget it even as Corpse left the call, getting off with a hasty goodbye, talk to you laters and a “yeah im fine” to Rae’s _you okay?_  
Even as another game started, the others not yet done for the day, he tried to focus, pushing it out of his mind ‘ _did they not care about Sykkuno? No, they just knew Sykkuno was okay, that if he wasn't he would have left them a message, knew sykkuno just got tired, yes that's all, He just got tired’._ _  
_ He tried to forget even as his phone lit up on his desk with a text from Corpse.   
‘ _Oh’_ Toast blinked, looking down, _Corpse rarely texts first, not to him… everything wasn’t okay like he tried to convince himself._  
  
_-Can you check on Sykkuno for me… please? I’m worried-_ _  
__  
_ He couldn’t forget.  
Nothing was okay, not if Corpse was worried and texting him.  
  
_Toast has left the game_ _  
__  
_ He picked up his phone, hands hovering over the keyboard, hesitating briefly. _  
__  
__-Sure-_ _  
__  
__-Rae: Hey you okay?, you just left_ _  
__  
__-Toast: Yeah, I just have something I need to do_ _  
__  
__-Rae: Okay_ _  
__-Rae: Text me if something happens?_ _  
__  
__-Sykkuno: Toast are you okay?_

_  
_ He gripped his wheel tightly again as he slowed for the red light, the last red light he would pass before he reached Sykkuno’s house, glancing at the text.   
  
_ Toast are you okay?  _ He felt a small bubble of laughter escape him as he looked at the text, of course Sykkuno was asking him if he was okay, Sykkuno could be laying in a hospital bed half dead and if anyone of his friend's gave any sign they weren't okay, he would ask if they were, ignoring any and all of his problems, it was just the type of person he was, _ ‘are you okay?’ _ _  
_   
_ Was he okay? No, but this was about Sykkuno, it was about Sykkuno and Sykkuno was asking him if he was okay of all people, when Toast should be asking him if he was okay. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ -Toast: Are you? _ _  
_ _  
_ _ No answer _ _  
_ _  
_ He pulled into the apartment complex his friend had moved into, pulling into a spot, shutting the car off, he took a deep breath, opening the door and stepping out into the slightly chilly air. _  
_ _  
_ _ -Toast: im here _ _  
_ _  
_ _ -Sykkuno: Door’s open _

.   
.

_Toast: I’m at Sykkuno’s house now_ _  
__  
__“_ Sykkuno?” He called out as he opened his friends door, the dark hallway greeting him as he stepped in, he had only been here once since his friend had moved, he gripped around the wall searching for a light switch  
  
“In my room!” Sykkuno’s voice called back as he found the switch flipping it, illuminating the small rectangular room that had framed pictures of all of Sykkunos friends lined across the wall.  
  
“I forgot where that was” He called back sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he stepped further into the apartment, he knew there were two rooms, one being Sykkuno’s streaming room and then his bedroom, but he didn't know what door led to which.  
  
“Oh” He could hear the laughter in his friends voice as a door pushed open and the familiar dark hair he was use to seeing poked out of it “Hi”  
  
_Why did Sykkuno’s laugh sound off?_   
“You okay?” He asked walking into the room, watching as Sykkuno sat on his bed, motioning for Toast to take the chair that sat in the corner  
“Of course, are you?” Sykkuno looked up at him, a smile on his face.  
  
_A smile that didn’t quite reach his eye’s like normal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Always thank you for all the love y'all have given on this!! I've meant a bunch of amazing people through it, to those who know who they are it was fun playing among us with you today!!  
> ~~  
> I forgot to say happy holidays yesterday!! so a happy late holidays to you! i hope it was a good one  
> ~~  
> Psssstttt y'all should check out this fanfiction👀👀 it's amazing and one of my current favourites XD  
> \-- https://archiveofourown.org/works/28162260/chapters/69007413


	4. Karl~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl's POV:  
> Just a short simple... sweet... chapter of Karl noticing Sykkuno missing that someone had suggested/asked to be put in!!  
> ~~  
> I made a twitter to keep whoever wants to follow updated!! its on private so nobody outside of people who read can follow, dont want the wrong people finding it :) 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a filler :)))) I promise everyones okay, even the still fainted Corpse

Karl glanced over toward his screen as a sudden influx of messages came through as a new game started.

So much that he thought about turning on chat control for now before noticing what the influx was about.

  
  


_ Sykkuno raiiiddd!! _

_ Hello from Sykkuno! _

_ What's up Karlllll!? _

_ Raaaaaaid!!! _

_ WOOOO RAID FROM SYKKUNO! _

_ Hello Karl's chat, greetings from Sykkuno _

_ "Sykkuno raid?"  _ He thought to himself reading them, why was Sykkuno's chat raiding him?

'Wasn't Sykkuno still streaming?' He glanced toward the area that showed active streamers, he didn't spot his soft spoken buddy, and he didn't want to scroll and lose focus on the game more than what he was

"Hey guys?" He called out as a meeting was called but the immediate screaming and overlapping voice all spoke at once, effectively drowning him out.

He glanced down at the name's, noticing Sykkuno was gone from the list, he reached for his phone, pulling up discord.

Karl: hey, you okay?

Sykkuno: oh hi Karl! Yeah, why?

Karl: I noticed you weren't in the game anymore

Sykkuno: oh yeah! Sorry I got tired and don't feel that good, figured id go lay down

Karl: okay! Hope you feel better Sykkuno! I'll try to let the others know you left but they're to focused on the game I doubt they would hear me

Sykkuno: I noticed, thank you Karl!

Karl: You're welcome

Sykkuno: Going to bed now, hope you have fun!

Karl: good night Sykkuno 

For some reason Karl felt a pang of guilt in his chest as he turned back toward the game, his eye catching one last comment before he was sucked into explaining where he was and what he was doing.

**_Sykkuno was crying…_ **

_ He died before he could say anything to anyone. _

_ Lobby's too loud to be heard, round's starting too fast to explain before a new game starts. _

_ The next game he was impostor and had to focus, had to be careful on what he said. _

_ The last game, people noticed, Corpse noticed. _

_ He felt more guilt as he thought about the time's he had tried and failed to tell Corpse about Sykkuno's missing presence as he heard the younger man's rising panic leak into his voice. _

_ Felt worse as he kept quiet about noticing before and not saying anything _

_ Even though he knew his friend's would understand why he hadn't been able to say, would understand that he never got a chance and had tried to. _

_ Felt guilt as people he knew came from Sykkuno's stream, donations or gifts subbed him. _

_ Feeling bad as Corpse's left the game... he should have tried to tell the other man harder than he had. _


	5. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sykkunos POV:  
> Anxiety attacks? feelings? what are those? all I know is Sykkuno's an oblivious person, and maybe toast has a few things he knows about a certain something  
> ~~  
> I made a twitter to keep whoever wants to follow updated!! its on private so nobody outside of people who read can follow, dont want the wrong people finding it :) 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes, new update~ this is the first chapter I broke 2000 with!! I am proud

“Sykkuno, I’m fine” Toast sighed looking at the other man that he viewed as a brother with worry. “I’m here to see if you're okay”   
“Of course I am,” Sykkuno giggled, raising his hand to cover his mouth like he does with his fans mostly thought it was an act but he really just… didn’t like others seeing his smile when he laughed.   
  
_ He only ever uncovered his smile for one person…  _ _  
_ _  
_ “You left the game,” Toast pointed out bluntly, startling him.  _ Oh so they weren't going to just say he was okay and it all be over _ ,  _ okay then _ . He forced the smile back on his face, this one not filled with laughter.   
  
“O-oh! I just got a little tired that’s all!” He stuttered out, looking away from Toast. He didn't want to bother anyone with how  _ hopeless _ he was for someone he knew he shouldn’t be hopeless for, especially not Toast. Really.   
  
“Sykkuno, you were crying,” Toast spoke, breaking him from his thoughts, causing him to blink and look at his friend in surprise. He  _ had  _ been crying, but he made sure to clean up his face so it hadn’t looked like he was when his friend had called him out of the blue and said he was coming over.   
  
“I haven’t been crying!” He exclaimed, laughing it off, hoping Toast would take it as an answer and move on, but the look Toast gave him told him otherwise. He sighed, looking down at his hands and bunched up his blanket tightly into them.   
  
“You sounded like you had been crying when you picked up your cell phone,” Toast said, staring at him with a concerned look in his eyes that Sykkuno hated. Nobody should be worried about him, he didn’t need to be worried about.    
  
“I-” Sykkuno started to say, pausing as his friend words registered in his mind , trying to come up with something that would be believable to say.  _ He was watching a sad movie?  _ No, Toast would never believe that.  _ He stubbed his toe and he was a baby and cried about it? _ Well that  _ was _ like him, he didn't think that would work however. “I wasn’t cr-”   
  
“And your eyes are still red, Sykkuno.”   
  
_ Shit, well no getting out of this. _ _  
_ _  
_ “So tell me what’s wrong, you know you can talk to me.” Toast muttered, loud enough that Sykkuno could still hear him. He looked away once more as he took a deep breath at the pang of guilt he felt before letting it out, clinching the blankets.   
  
_ Ding!  _ Sykkuno’s phone lit up on his bedside table . Both of the males glanced over at it, but neither made a move to grab it, He didn’t want to read it, he knew he should though, he shouldn't be ignoring people.   
  
“It’s-” He sighed again, calming his fidgety hands briefly before he began picking at his blanket once more. He slowly looked up at his friend, a hint of tears glistening in his eyes. “It’s nothing.”  _ They both knew it was something, and he knew that wouldn’t be enough for Toast, but he could try, right? _ _  
_ _  
_ “Sykkuno.” Toast leaned forward in his seat, staring him down.   
  
“It's nothing, really… nothing important at least, I just…” He trailed off looking back towards his phone, itching to grab it and just scroll so he could forget  _ everything _ , then he remembered all the things he was trying to avoid, his feelings, the confusion he felt at them, the pang of… jealousy?    
  
_ Was it jealousy? He didn’t know, and he really didn’t want to find out. If he did, his friendships would be ruined and he really did not want that. _ _  
_ _  
_ “Just what?” Toast pushed him. He wished he wouldn’t, but he knew his friend was worried. They all had a right to ask him if he was okay, had a right to push him a little.   
  
_ He wanted them to push him a little. If they didn’t, he would never express his feelings around them, he knew that, and so did Toast. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “ _ Just.. I don’t know.” Sykkuno pushed his hair back, thinking, what did he say? Because in all honesty he didn’t know what was going on with him, he didn’t understand why he got upset, why Corpse ignoring him in favour of talking to Bretmen caused a pain in his chest.   
  
He heard Toast sigh and glanced up in surprise as Toast shifted in his chair, a thoughtful look on his face. Sykkuno began to worry about the look.   
  
_ Does Toast know something he doesn't? Surely not _ _  
  
_

“Does it have to do with someone?”

_ Shit. _

“No?” He cringed as he heard the question in his own voice. Toast raised an eyebrow, a small knowing smile playing on his face.   
  
“No?… Maybe”  _ It really didn’t matter, even if he was starting to realize he had more than friend feelings for the other, the other would never return them. _   
  
“...Corpse?” Toast had a knowing look in his eyes, one that scared him enough to consider running out of his room away from his friend, but he couldn't do that.    
He fidgeted more with his blanket, the ends fraying at the consent picking, he could trust Toast with this, he knew he could.   
_ So why were the words so hard to say? _ _  
  
_

“ _ Yeah.”  _ He swallowed, afraid to look at Toast as he spoke.   
  
_ Would his friend be disappointed in him?  _   
  


“What happened?” Toast asked. He knew he could talk to Toast, knew Toast would listen to him ramble, listen to his problems but it was no big deal, Corpse just offered Bretmen a hoodie, Bretmen hadn't been able to get one and Corpse offered, of course he did, Corpse would do that, that's just who Corpse was.   
  
_ but- _   
  
“Corpseofferedbretmenahoodie” He said all in one breath hoping he wouldn't stutter. He hoped Toast wouldn't make him repeat himself, he didn't want to repeat himself, he wanted to  _ forget.  _ He was being pathetic for being affected by this.

_  
_ “What?”  _ Deep breaths, exhale, you could do this Sykkuno. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Could he? _ _  
_ _  
_ “He offered to give Bretmen a hoodie...” He mumbled loud enough that Toast could hear him but low enough that it didn't sound like the words were pounding in his head.    
  
“And...” Toast pressed, not looking surprised at all.   
  
“And,” he sighed, looking up fully to his friend, meeting his glaze, hesitating as he tried to figure out the best words to say how he felt without making a big deal out of it. “I just… I tried so hard to buy two hoodies, you know?”   
  
“You said it was so if one got ruined you would have another one.” Toast nodded, thinking back to all the texts that Sykkuno had sent him. Talking about it so much that he had begun hoping the non stop texting about it would make his friend realize his feelings, that everyone, or at least Toast and Rae had noticed them.   
  
“Yeah” He nodded, looking down at his lap.   
  
_ Ding!  _ His phone lit up once again, and once again it was ignored even though he was tempted to pick it up, but he didn’t want to face what he knew was on the other end, not right now.  _ Not never _ , even though he knew eventually he would have to face his worries.   
  


_ Eventually he would have to face these things even if he didn't want to, he knew that. _ _  
_ _  
_ “Sykkuno?” He heard a voice call out and he shook his head, right, he was talking to Toast, wasn’t he? “You're kinda zoning there Sykkuno…”

  
“Sorry…” He whispered, curling his arms around himself, pulling his legs up against his chest, feeling his chest tighten on him,  _ was he panicking? _   
  
“It’s okay.” Toast smiled at him gently, watching him curl up. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I think it would be better if you do though, talking helps.”   
  
“Talking sucks,” Sykunno snorted, grinning at Toast, covering his mouth as he did. “Just... I tried to get two, you know, and he… Corpse I mean, he offered to mail Bretmen one.”   
  
Toast nodded, he remembered hearing part of that conversation as he walked past the two in the last game before Corpse got off, something about Bretmen having tried to get one and failing? He had walked off before he could hear anything else, not wanting to die. “Yeah?”    
  
Sykkuno sighed, nodding “Yeah…”   
  
“What about it?” He could hear the confusion laced in Toast’s voice and he flinched. If Toast was confused, maybe he didn’t have a right to be upset about it.   
  
“ _ He never asked if I wanted one, even though I was standing there talking about trying to get two and and-”  _ Sykkuno could  _ feel _ his own breathing, how he had no clue but he could feel it and he didn’t like it, his blanket suddenly felt heavy laying atop of him, he wanted to fling it off but he  _ couldn’t _ , he couldn’t breathe either. _  
_ _  
_ _ “ _ Sykkuno! Breath!” Toast snapped leaning forward to place his hand on Sykkuno’s knee, ‘ _ I can’t,’ _ he tried to choke out the words lodged in his throat.   
  
“You need to breathe,” Toast murmured, shifting a little more so his hand on Sykkuno’s leg was less awkward. “Sykkuno can you hear me?”   
  
He nodded, vision tunneled on one thing and one thing only, still desperately wishing he could push the blanket off him. _  
_ _  
_ “Can you talk?”    
  
“I think so.” He cringed at his stuttering, mind yelling at him to just grow up while yelling at him to hide somewhere far away and never come back.   
  
“Good good, can you do something for me?”  _  
_ _  
_ _ What? He could barely breathe and Toast was asking him to do something…? _ _  
_ _  
_ “Sure,” he stuttered out blankly, feeling numb.   
  
“Sy, can you give me five things you can see?" Toast mumbled to him lowly.

_ What?  _ He was confused but thought that it would be better if he listened to the other man. He heard Toast repeat the question.

"Oh um, um…" he trailed off, not really sure on what he could see. He felt like he couldn't see anything.

He felt Toast squeeze his leg a little. "It can be anything"

"Um, the edge of my blanket?"

"That's good Sykkuno, four more things."

"The um, there's a spot on my wall?" He mumbled. This felt pointless to him, each word he spoke felt like he was drowning. 

Toast squeezed his leg again signaling he wanted him to continue.

"My headphones? I think," he blinked, looking around, "the cup sitting on my desk." He trailed off.

"One more Sykkuno"

"My… my phone, at the edge of my bed, it’s lit up again."

"It is, four things you can touch?" 

"Your hand, wall, my other arm." He felt his chest tighten up again as he thought of one thing he could feel, the one thing he didn't want to feel right now.

He took a shuttering inhale "the b-blanket, heavy, want it off" he mumbled tugging at it  _ please _ , he blinked as it was pulled away from him, sighing in relief.

"Better?" Toast asked him and he nodded, his chest did feel lighter now. "Good, three things you can hear?"

"What's the point of this?"

"Just indulge me Sy."

"You talking, the whirling of a… fan? Um, me" He felt more confident now, his breathing evening out now, easier to release.

"Two things you can smell, Sy?"

"Um, I don't know." He said, looking up for the first time since this started. "Maybe the lingering smell of the candle I had lit earlier?" He thought as he inhaled, blinking as he detected something he was unsure of,  _ 'oh' " _ And maybe…" he trailed off again, blushing faintly as he realized what it was that he was faintly smelling.

_ Oh Jesus he couldn't admit to that. _

"Sykkuno," Toast pressed, looking at him, waiting.

"Oh nothing! Just some… Cologne I sprayed on this shirt earlier." He blushed darkly ducking his head.

"You don't wear Cologne," Toast mumbled before shaking his head. "That's not important, last thing, one thing you can taste?"

He stared at his friend stupidly, _taste? He_ _couldn't_ taste anything, he hadn't had anything to eat in a bit of time, long enough that any lingering taste had left. "Nothing?" 

"Okay, now are you ready to explain what's wrong?"

"It shouldn't matter, but it  _ hurt _ when Corpse offered to send Bretmen a hoodie…. And  _ not me. _ " He slowly spoke out so he didn't stutter as much. "And I don't know, it shouldn't have hurt."

He never noticed his friend's eyes widen as he picked up his phone for the second time since he had forced himself to sleep hours ago to avoid his feelings after the stream.

He didn't notice the look as he opened the text conversation he had with Corpse.

He didn't notice that it screamed 'shit' as his own eyes read the texts sent over the hours.

Didn't notice the panic that echoed his own.

"Shit" both of them thought. Toast because of a conversation he and Rae had with someone not that long ago, a conversation that they had promised to keep secret. Sykkuno because of the long string of worrisome texts he had received.

  
He glanced towards his clock, fingers hovering over the screen,  _ 1:30 a.m _ the clock blinked at him. He glanced toward the sent time on the last message _ from Corpse 1:28 a.m.: Sy... _  
  
_"Hey, sorry, I'm okay..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I promise I took my time and took plenty of breaks!!
> 
> Honestly a huge thanks to Syphus ((https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syphus)) and Blackkat14 ((https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat14)) who have ran over the last few chapters for me!!
> 
> I am still going to be a bit slow on updating but i deleted that so the chapters actually matched!
> 
> As always, if you notice anything please lemme know!! any suggestions to be added is always welcomed, any thoughts are too! notice tags that should be there but isn't? please also lemme know, I don't tag well  
> hope yall enjoy and well PRAISE BINGUS!!!!


	6. ~Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corpse's POV:  
> late night phone, unsureness, and um maybe a bit of gayness, I can't summery. help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! thanks for waiting! I know it's been a bit~  
> The next one will probably take just as long seeing as my mom's birthday is tomorrow and mine is the 14th!  
> (if you can think of a better chapter title please let me know xD)  
> ~~Hope you enjoy!!

_ ~ Previously  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ "Hey, sorry, I'm okay..." _

_ ~ _ _  
  
_

_ Corpse: Sykkuno? _ _  
_ _ Corpse: Sykkuno please? _ _  
_ _ Corpse: Can you just tell me if you're okay or not? _

_ Corpse: Please? _ _  
_ _  
_ He stared down at his phone laying on top of his knee, gripping his hair tightly, waiting for any type of response from the older, soft spoken man who made his heart thump in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He blinked heavily, a wave of dizziness washing over him as his head pounded in response to  _ nothing _ .

  
Weakly he gripped his phone, thumbing open the Discord conversation. His arms grew heavy, small bolts of pain he felt on a daily basis making their presence known as he attempted to type out another message. He sighed, frustrated, deleting the paragraph he had begun to type, instead settling on sending a simple, one word message.   
  
_Corpse: Sy…_ _  
__  
_ He threw his phone away from him, watching it slide across the floor, hitting the border of his wall with a gentle thunk. He winced and buried his face into his knees, breathing in deeply, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling with a soft huff. He followed the breathing exercise he had been taught countless times to control his anxious thoughts, _In for four, hold for seven, let out at eight._  
  
In for four. _What if Sykkuno was ignoring him?_ Hold for seven. _He could hate you and you would never know._ Exhale. Y _ou shouldn’t have sent that last message Corpse..._ In for four. _He thinks you're annoying._ Hold for seven. _That’s why it’s been hours since you sent all those messages and you haven’t received a single thing from him, you even fainted and you still haven’t received anything._ Exhale. _  
_  
_Oh right. I did faint, didn’t I?_ He didn’t remember fainting, didn’t remember the weird feeling he normally felt before fainting. He only remembered sending Sykkuno one final message before going to put his phone down on his desk, the sharp pain he felt as his body screamed at him, and then he was waking up on the dirty floor in even more pain.  
  
_Almost the worst pain he had felt in his life._ _  
__  
_ His body screamed as his head jerked up at the sharp pinging noise that echoed throughout his room. He threw himself towards his phone, ignoring his body protesting at the sudden movement. Picking it up, he fumbled, almost dropping it as he went to unlock it in a rush, pausing briefly as thoughts crossed his mind.  
  
_Did he really want to read it? What if Sykkuno was messaging him to tell him he didn't want to speak to him anymore? What if it wasn’t Sy messaging him and he rushed for no reason? What if it was someone telling him Sy wouldn’t speak to him for Sy because, because.. What if, what if, what if-_ _  
__  
__“_ Shut the fuck up.” He mumbled out loud to himself, picking up his phone once more. He took a deep breath as he swiped it open and pulled up Discord.

_ Sykkuno<3: Hey, sorry, I'm okay _

_ " _ Oh, thank fuck." He whispered to his room, staring down at the words in relief. He sighed gently as some of the pain in his chest eased up on him, almost like the other’s presence was enough for all his anxiety and fear to just  _ not  _ exist anymore.

_ Corpse: thank fuck. Can I um.. call you? Or something? Please? _

_ Sykkuno<3: I'm with um… Toast right now but in a little bit? I'll message when he leaves? _

_ Corpse: please do Sy… _

He sat there for a moment, waiting for a reply. When none came, he sighed and stood up, setting the phone down on the desk. Running a hand adorned with rings through his hair, he frowned at the greasy feeling.   
  
_ It has been awhile since you showered,  _ his mind told him and he nodded. It had been two weeks to be exact, not that anybody but him would really ever notice, or care, and he never had the energy to really care.   
He barely had the energy or pain tolerance to stream anymore, and he felt like he was letting everyone down. He still didn’t really understand what had made him start streaming in the first place. He knew he was putting himself into a position to let people down eventually.   
  
_ Then why did you? You didn’t have to start, you could have just stayed wallowing in your self pity. _ _  
_ _  
_ He sighed. “I should take a shower...” He stepped away from the phone that he had been staring at and found himself hesitating as he thought about taking it into the bathroom with him.   
  
_ What if Sykkuno called while he was away from it?  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ He said he would text you when Toast left. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ But what if I'm still in the shower… “ _ I should just wait,” he spoke out loud and sat down on his bed, fiddling with his rings, glancing towards the phone every once in a while.  _ Yeah, a shower can wait. _ He thought as he picked up his phone, opening up Twitter.com, aimlessly browsing before he spotted the first tweet about today’s stream.   
  
_ Or was it yesterday's stream now? _   
  
_ :Poor Sykkuno, he got off stream I feel so bad: _ _  
_ _ :Clip from today's stream! I guess Sykkuno felt a little left out?: _   
  
“It’s been thirty minutes you idiot, just go take a shower, you can always just text him and tell him you are…” He mumbled, finding it hard to put down his phone as he stumbled upon more tweets about the stream.   
  
_ :Sykkuno looked like he was about to cry: _ _  
_ _ :He was crying, did you see the look he gave as he walked away from Bretman and Corpse?: _ _  
_ _ :He looked like he was heartbroken: _ _  
_ _ :Another clip from today’s stream! Did Sykkuno get replaced by Bretman?: _ _  
_ _ :Sykkuno upset by Corpse ignoring him in favour of Bretman: _   
  
He closed out of Twitter as the short clip showed Sykkuno attempting to talk to him as he completely ignored him in favour of talking to Bretman, saying that he had attempted to order his merch, two of his hoodies,  _ two in case one got damaged, _ and that he had been unable to, ended.   
  
_ Was Sykkuno really upset about his comments to Bretman? Like the video suggested? _   
  
_ You ignored your friend Corpse. How pathetic, he’s going to hate you.  _ A sneering voice echoed in his mind and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He fucking hated these thoughts, but they where always there, lurking in the back of his mind, no matter how often he pushed them away...   
  
_ Corpse: I'm going to go take a shower… I think. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: okay!  _ _  
_ _ Corpse: if i don’t answer it's because of that. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: He’s just leaving _ _  
_ _ Corpse: oh, I can wait?... and take a shower after? _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: no, no, go take a shower, I'll wait, you mentioned a bit ago that you haven't taken one in a while.. _ _  
_ _ Corpse: Right.. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: talk to you soon! _ _  
_ _  
_ _ You know you could always wait a bit and then say you did. Then you wouldn't have to take one. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: I hope the shower makes you feel better! :) _ _  
_ _ Corpse: are you sure it's okay to wait? It is late. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: you need to take care of yourself first Corpse, I can wait, I’ll always wait if it means you're taking care of yourself :) _ _  
_ _  
_ “Fuck,” he said out loud as he stared at the text, swallowing. He couldn’t wait now, he couldn’t disappoint Sykkuno like that. Not when he was being so fucking sweet about it.   
  
_ Corpse: okay, message you when i'm out. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno <3: I'll be waiting :) _

He started to type something more, hand moving over the phone’s keyboard; pausing, deleting, rewriting, deleting again, repeating. 

He stopped looking at the half finished sentence and just deleted it completely, setting the phone on the table. He stepped away, tugging some clothes from his closet before wandering down the hall. He pushed the bathroom door open, flipping on the light.

Tugging off his rings, he sat them down onto the counter, staring at them for a moment. He had these rings for so long, worn them often enough, that the silver was beginning to dull. Thoughts of time passing began crossing his mind before he pushed them away, turning towards the shower.

_ I really don't have the energy for this…  _ He sighed deeply, forcing himself to turn the water on, twisting it as far as he could in a single motion so he didn’t have to overthink it.    
The water was scalding as he stepped and he hissed at the slight sting of pain. 

  
It was small, barely noticeable to him with his higher than normal pain tolerance, but still an annoyance as the water fell over his skin, reddening it slightly as it burned.   
  
_ Sykkuno is just going to tell you he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.  _ His thoughts filtered through his mind as he reached for the bottle of shampoo, squeezing a small amount onto his hands and running it through his hair. He scrubbed it in until bubbles formed, leaning back against the wall, letting the water run down his body.   
  
Twenty minutes later he stepped out, shivering as the cold air brushed against his skin as he reached outwards. He grabbed a towel that was draped across the bar and wrapped it around his body. He avoided glancing in the cracked mirror as he grabbed his pants, slipping them on, before grabbing his shirt looking down at it. The design was simple and unlike him, but he didn’t care, he just wanted something clean for now.   
  
_ Corpse: I'm out of the shower now. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno <3: I’ll call you in a second! _ _  
_ _  
_ He swallowed staring down at his phone, staring at Sykkuno’s name, panic and shame brewing in his chest as his wants battled against themselves, his wants to make what he believed would be his last moments with the others memorable and his insecurities that he wouldn’t be enough.  _ In for four. Hold for seven. Exhale. _

  
_ Corpse: wait, i’ll... I’ll call you. _ _  
_ _ Sykkuno<3: oh! Okay! _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Shit shit shit shit-  _ He breathed deeply, why the fuck did he just say that? He never called Sykkuno first, he never called  _ anyone _ first, what the fuck pushed him to say that he would? Why did he want to?   
  
_ And why was he pushing the video call option…? _ _  
_ _  
_ He panicked as it started ringing, chest tightening as his widen eyes stared at the screen. Unlike what most people thought, he actually hadn’t shown Sykkuno his face before. If they talked it would be in voice chat of the Discord group. If it was privately, his screen would be turned off, leaving his picture as the only thing Sykkuno was able to view.   
  
“Hey Corp... ohhhh…” Sykkuno breathed out as Corpse watched him turn around, stopping in his tracks as his eyes landed on the screen. He watched a brief look of panic flicker across Sykkuno’s face before he glanced away hurriedly.   
  
“Sykkuno…?” He whispered, flinching back at Sykkuno’s action as the older man rushed forward and covered his end of the screen with his hand. He could hear the other mumbling something as he fumbled around his room, searching for something, His eyes still avoiding looking at the computer, looking at Corpse.   
  
“Sykkuno?” He spoke a little loud, his voice breaking just a little as he watched Sykkuno grip a shirt and fling it on top of his computer, blocking everything completely “Sy…?”   
  
“Oh Jesus, Corpse!” The other man, who he now couldn’t see, breathed heavily. He heard a slight rustling noise as if the man was moving around in his room, a shuffling of something before a small thud as if Sykkuno was sitting down. “Did you… Did.. Did you mean to have your camera on?” Sykkuno continued. Corpse really wished he could see him right now, but the screen remained blank and his panic was rising even more.   
  
“Y-yeah…” Corpse stuttered out nervously, folding his hands against his chest, hugging himself .“I um.. Yeah.. I did Sy…”   
  
“Oh.. okay, you sure?” Sykkuno whispered. Corpse nodded, before remembering that Sykkuno couldn’t see him and he cleared his throat.   
  
“Yeah, yeah I am, I'm… really sure about this…” Corpse spoke, taking a deep breath.  _ He really wanted this, even if he didn’t feel like he was ready, felt like the air in his lungs was trapped deep in a box unable to escape, but this may be the last time he spoke to Sykkuno… And he wanted to make what might be his last time talking to the other worthwhile. _ _  
_ _  
_ “C-can you take the shirt off please?” Corpse said after a moment of silence, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, having not yet moved from when he had called. He was too afraid if he did move he would turn the call off.   
  
“O-oh yeah!” He heard the sight sounds of fumbling, something clattering to the floor, a soft whisper…  _ did Sykkuno just say fuck? _ Before Sykkuno’s face came back into view, blinking before a wide smile spread onto his face.   
  
“Hi,” Sykkuno whispered, arm moving up for his hand to cover his smile. It dropped back down before he did and his smile still laid softly over his face for Corpse to see.

  
_ Fucking beautiful,  _ Corpse thought, the silence becoming slightly uncomfortable as he got lose in his thought, got lost in his… depression  _ fuck if I lose- _ _  
_ _  
_ “You didn’t cover your smile,” he blurted out before his thoughts could go any farther. “It’s um.. really nice.” He tried not to think about how Sykkuno could see him, that Sykkuno hadn’t said a word since uncovering his computer.   
  
He tried to overcome his panic by focusing on a point on his wall, a bulletin board that held many pictures, some from magazines, some of his sister whom he dearly missed, but most were photos he had printed from the web. Photos of his Among Us character, Sykkuno’s Among Us character, fan art made from the avatars he put out, fanart made of Sykkuno and him together.   
  
His eyes moved across the board, looking at each one before he focused on one, a small smile slipping onto his face as he looked at it, missing the slight stuttering noise that escaped Sykkuno as he watched.   
  
“Corpse?” Sykkuno called out to him and moved backwards to sit on his bed, watching the other focus on something outside of the frame that he couldn’t see.   
  
“Hmm?” Corpse hummed in reply, glancing over quickly before studying the picture once more. He didn’t remember what made him download the photo and print it out, Perhaps... a moment of weakness in the late night, when all he had wanted was to pick up his phone and call his friend. A weakness he felt often since joining that lobby oh so long ago, hearing that Mr. Corpse escaped the others honey lain voice.

  
It had been the first picture of his friend he had ever printed, the one he had been sent by Sykkuno months ago, where the other had texted him, asking him for his help. Then moments later his breath left him as a picture of soft looking cat ears resting on an even softer looking person loaded on the screen.   
  
“You're zoning out,” Sykkuno spoke after a moment, watching Corpse with a soft smile. “What are you looking at?” Sykkuno asked. Corpse could see him fiddling with the edge of his sleeve nervously as he pulled a blanket across his lap.   
  
“I um.. Hold on, lemme see if.. I don’t know.” Corpse fumbled around with his phone, pointing to the ground so Sykkuno couldn’t see the mess that was his room before pointing it at his board. “I was, um, looking at the pictures I had printed,” he explained as he zoomed in on the pictures.   
  
He watched as Sykkuno’s eyes moved around the photos, studying each one before his gaze fell on the one of him that Corpse’s focus had been stolen by. “O-oh,” Sykkuno breathed, looking at the photo with a gentle look that stole Corpse's breath “is that m-me?”   
  
“Yeah.” Corpse nodded, focusing on it more so Sykkuno could see more clearly. “I um-” He cleared his throat as it started to close up on him, panicking as he thought of how Sykkuno would react to him having photos of him, the art he knew would be fine, it was art. But to have  _ actual _ photos of the other?   
  
“I like it.” Sykkuno mumbled, breaking Corpse from his thoughts. “I um, it’s the one I sent you privately, right?” He asked, looking at the others as he did.   
  
“Yeah.” Corpse said as he watched Sykkunos eyes crinkled in a smile. “I hope that isn't too, like, I don't know, awkward?” He stuttered out, rubbing the back of his next, avoiding looking at the other as he did.   
  
He watched as Sykkuno looked back towards him and gave him a warm smile. “Of course it isn’t” Sykkuno told him softly, shifting on his bed again “I um.”   
  
“Hey, is that Givenchy Pi Neo?” Corpse blurted out, spotting a small bottle sitting on the corner of Sykkunos desk. Sykkunos eyes widened slightly as he glanced at the bottle, seemling frozen as he stared at it. “When did you get that?   
  
“Not that long ago.” Sykkuno leaned over, grabbing the bottle and pulling open the bedside drawer. He shoved the little bottle inside before sliding the drawer closed. “It sounded... interesting when you were talking about it, it smells… nice, yeah...”   
  
“Ahhh.” Corpse stepped back away from the board, giving one last glance to the photo as he turned to his bed. He sat down on it with a small hiss of pain as the blankets brushed against him. 

  
“You got the cologne I wear, that's oddly... Sweet. I've never seen it out before? Out um, in your room I mean..” He said in a teasing tone, smirking as his anxiety drained a little at the normalness of the conversation.   
  
Sykkuno nodded, eyelashes fluttering as he blinked. “I ran out of it, that’s a newer bottle,” he explained. Corpse could see the nervous look cross his face at his words and he sighed heavily.

  
He had seen Sykkuno nervous about things, when he opened packages on stream, when he put on things, especially cat ears on his streams. But he never was nervous when it came to talking to him unless it was an act, and the nervousness the man was displaying now was destroying him inside just a little. _  
_   
“I um,” He finally broke the silence that had fallen over them, leaning forward a little to grasp the face mask that laid just slightly at the edge of his bed, pulling it on as he spoke up. “H-how are you? You left the game, I was starting to.. Starting to get worried when you didn’t answer any of my texts, I hope I wasn’t… like… bothering you or anything by sending so many and-”   
  
“I’m fine,” Sykkuno cut him off. “It was just a bad day for me, I guess. And you could never bother me, text me as much as you want.” He watched as Sykkuno blinked, falling silent, a look of -  _ longing? -  _ crossing his face briefly as he looked at the mask now resting upon his face.    
  
_ Was that longing? Or was he just imagining things _ ?   
  
“I saw.. I saw the clips, from the stream.” He breathed out, looking away from the screen, not wanting to see Sykkuno’s reaction. “I’m sorry.”   
  
“O-oh, you did? W-why are you sorry?, I um, I was the one who got upset at something that was like, really stupid. It wasn’t your fault, really.”   
  
“I could have at least acknowledged you, instead I just talked to Bretmen even though you had attempted to talk and shit, I’m just a horrible friend.” Corpse’s deep voice rumbled a little, if one was to pay close attention they would be able to detect a hint of panic.    
  
“You're not Corpse, I just… I don’t know, Toast told me I should talk to you but at the same time, talking sucks.” Sykkuno laughed, his smile brightening. Corpse watched him reach up and cover it, eyes crinkling in amusement.   
  
“Agreed.” He chuckled, twisting his ring on his finger, gaze still fixed on the other as he thought about the words he wanted to say .“Hey...” He trailed off, biting his bottom lip gently, inhaling deeply, exhaling with a gentle whooshing sound.   
  
“Yeah?” He watched Sykkuno glance over to him, almost shyly, F _ uck, if Corpse didn’t already think he was deeply gone, he was sure gone now. He didn’t think he would ever make it back, even if the other left. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “ _ They said you were upset about me offering Bretman a hoodie?” He winced as it came out as more of a question, but he didn’t want to assume. What if that wasn’t what Sykkuno was upset about? Or even upset? What if he had just been tired and got off?   
  
A silence fell over them as a thoughtful look crossed Sykkuno’s face. “I wasn’t…” Sykkuno sighed, a frown falling upon his face, Corpse watched his chest rise a little as he inhaled, mesmerized by the movement. Throat tightening as want echoed in his chest, a want to just...

  
_It would be nice to lay down and just listen to the other breathe._   
  
“I wasn’t… upset by that.. I” Sykkuno sighed, biting his lip. Corpse tracked the movement with rapid attention, letting the silence envelope them to give him more time to just _look_ at the other with nothing in between them.  
  
“What?” Corpse tilted his head back to stare at his ceiling, a hand tangling into one of his chains as he twisted it into his fingers, he failed to notice Sykkuno’s gaze track the movement, gulping a little as he did. “Did…”  
  
“I was upset you hadn’t offered me one… it was a selfish and pitiful reason to be upset, I knew that, so I just got off. I wasn’t upset about Bretmen getting one though... I was... Toast said I was jealous.” Sykkuno rushed out stumbling over his words, attention still focused on Corpse twisting the chains around his hands, pulling at them lightly, making them taught against the others neck.  
  
“Oh.” Corpse sat up and blinked, focusing on the screen once more, frowning himself as he saw a frown on a face that should never have a sad look on it. One that he knew he was the cause of, and he silently wished that the beautiful smile he sometimes got to see would come back.  
  
_He didn’t want a frown to be the last thing he saw on that face._ _  
__  
__Wait…_ Corpse straighten fully focused completely on Sykkuno now, hands untangling from the chains as disbelief coloured his face as the words said registered in his mind.  
  
_Did Sykkuno just say he was…_ _  
__  
__“_ Did you just say you were jealous?” He breathed out, eyes widening as he looked intensely at Sykkuno who was now blushing. His heart stuttered in his chest in a way it had never stuttered before and briefly he panicked at the unknown feeling.  
  
“T-Toast said I was, that um, it explains the way I felt about you offering Bretmen a hoodie? And explains the way I've been feeling for a while?” Corpse watched Sykkuno blink shyly, nervously twisting the sleeves of his clothing as he spoke in a low tone.  
  
_Oh wow, okay, wow._ _  
__  
_ Corpse's mind stuttered at him, unable to grasp the words he was just told. Did Sykkuno really say he was jealous? Or was his leg being pulled. He couldn’t really tell but Sykkuno looked genuine with how nervous he was, and a small bubble of hope and _longing_ began forming in his chest.  
  
_Did he actually have a chance with the other? Was that a possibility? Was Sykkuno hinting at such, that he liked Corpse... like Corpse liked him? Or was he jealous in the platonic way, is there a platonic jealousy? Fuck. Focus. You're still on call with him, dumbass._ _  
__  
__“_ Toast says I like you. _”_ He focused as he heard Sykkunos voice come from the speaker. He was sure several expressions crossed his face at that moment, the hope he was feeling building more and more as Sykkuno continued to talk. “And um, he’s… right. After our talk, he made me realize that I was jealous, and then after I admitted that I was to him.”  
  
_“_ Sykkuno... _''_ He breathed. _Was this a dream?_ He thought breathlessly as he held onto Sykkuno’s words, wishing this moment he was sure was a dream, would never end. _Was he asleep right now? Was he about to wake up in his bed and find out this was all just a delusional dream of his?_  
  
Sykkuno glanced at him, uncertainty and nervousness in his eyes but a smile that could melt Corpse into a puddle with ease settled softly on his face. He watched Sykkuno’s throat bob as he took a deep breath, swallowing as he opened his mouth to continue speaking.  
  
“He made me admit it was more than just a, umm... more than just a ‘friend’ jealousy, because apparently friends can be jealous of other people talking to their friends?” Sykkuno trailed off, Corpse smiled at the adorable confused look that was across the other man's face.   
  
_Fuck, I’m not gay, but maybe there’s an exception to my and anyone’s straightness. He was currently looking at his exception, if the soft fluttering in he felt in his chest was anything to go by._ _  
_  
The uncertainty was clear in the other eyes as he looked directly at Corpse,   
his head tilted to the right, just a little, giving him his full attention. But there was also a look that Corpse _finally_ identified as longing. Sykkuno was truly longing for him and it wasn’t just a figure of his own hopefulness and want. It was a look of longing that was hidden but visible if one was to look closely enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always see an mistakes? lemme know!
> 
> Thanks to Syphus and everyone who helped me go through it! I appreciate you all and I'm glad I know you all!
> 
> One final thing, I like keeping people updated but posting small chapters is annoying most likely to receive so I have made a private Twitter account that you can follow and Ill post updates, small spoilers, um may be a few memes, song and fic suggestions and small cute things on it, feel free to follow if you would like updates!:  
> ~~ 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Chaosticlokiao3?s=09


	7. You look Gorgeous Sy~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoodies delivery!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: unbeta, i got impatient, we die like people here  
> 2: there's a part here that has parentheses that says " I know I have to put something here but idk what" um ignore! but if you do have something I can, please lemme know and ill add it!  
> 3:since it's unbeta don't be afraid to call me out on mistakes

Previously   
~ _  
_ _ The uncertainty was clear in the other eyes as he looked directly at Corpse,  _ _  
_ _ his head tilted to the right, just a little, giving him his full attention. But there was also a look that Corpse finally identified as longing. Sykkuno was genuinely longing for him and it wasn’t just a figure of his own hopefulness and want. It was a look of longing that was hidden but visible if one was to look closely enough.  _ _  
_ ~   
  
“I’m such an idiot” Corpse mumbled, grinning ear from ear as he stared at his friend, rubbing the back of his wrist, his deep voice rumbling lowly as he spoke causing Sykkuno to startle a little, a deep blush spreading across his pale cheeks as he blinked at Corpse… cutely… that was the only way in which he could describe the look he was given.   
  
“Hmmm?” Sykkuno hummed, ducking his head as the blush across his face became a deeper red, Corpse let out a soft deep laugh as he fumbled with his phone, moving it with him as he changed positions, settling it into the crease of his arm as he laid down, frowning at the slight discomfort the position caused him but too tired to change it once again.   
  
“I was so fucking…” He took a deep breath, letting it all out in one go, all his feelings from earlier seemed so… bizarre to have, even now, the panicking, the fear, the tightness he had felt in his chest, it all felt…   
  
_ So very surreal to him still. _ _  
_ _  
_ “You where?” A voice broke through his silence, he sighed, reaching up to remove his mask yet again… Sykkuno deserved for him to be vulnerable, Sykkuno was being open and vulnerable to him, so he could only return the favour. Right?   
  
“...terrified” He finally whispered, voice cracking, the mask twisting in his fingers as his body refused to move to meet Sykkuno’s eyes through the screen, his grip tightened, almost tearing the mask in two, his body shuddered as a wave of anxiety washed through him, but he welcomed it, his anxiety was… comforting... in a way to him. His anxiety let him know that he still felt things, even if it was fear and uncertainty, the fear it caused was better than the nothingness he felt most days, having become numbed after years in constant… exhausting... pain.   
  
“Terrified?” The other repeated, confusion laced in the spoken words coming from their mouth, a confusion Corpse was a little glad to hear, he knew he shouldn’t be glad about his friend being confused but hearing it in the soft tone that haunted him in his dreams and his waking moments. Meant he wasn’t alone.   
  
“Terrified you would leave me…” He whispered, brushing his hair away as he meant the calming eyes that stared into his… eyes that looked like they could see every single flaw he had in him, usually a look like that would terrify him, but this look… this look from someone he had grown so close to in a span of weeks… somehow felt safe to him in an odd sort of way.   
  
_ Terrified I’d never heard your voice again~ _   
  
  
~~~FUCK IT, TIME SKIP BY LIKE TWO MONTHS IDK~~~   
  
“Turn left at the next corner” A monotone female voice called out as Corpse drummed his hands against the wheel of his car, humming softly as he listened, eyes flickering back and forth between the passing houses that flew by him.   
  
“You can do this” He mumbled out loud to himself “you want to do this”   
  
_ Do you though? _ _  
_ _  
_ “Yes” He winced as he answered his thoughts out loud, if he had been walking or anywhere people could hear, He knew there would be strange looks thrown at him, was it his paranoia? his anxiety? or a mix of the two? That made him feel like those judging eyes were already on him, judging him even though he knew there wasn't anybody there to judge him.   
  
“Your destination is on your left” The monotone voice chimed suddenly, his breathing spiked as he slammed on the breaks, thankful that the road was barren this late at night.   
  
“Fuck” He groaned, slamming his head against the wheel, knuckles white as they squeezed it, why had he thought the trip would take longer? Giving him more time to prepare, he wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t fucking ready for this, no matter how much he wanted it, he wasn’t fucking ready and he hated himself for not being ready... he was already so close… so close to the address Toast had sent him months ago.   
  
_ And you have been planning this for months. It would be stupid to back out now, you almost fuckin lost your best friend over this shit.  _ His thoughts yelled at him as he glanced toward the back seat that held a single box.   
  
**_“Why would you be terrified of losing me?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“I don’t know, my immediate thought when you left that lobby… was that I had done something, and that doing that something caused me to lose you completely.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“Why would you think you did something?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“You didn’t… answer my text.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“Oh… I had gone to bed, I didn’t mean to not answer them Corpse” Sykkuno breathed, leaning forward, his eyes now filled with worry instead of the calm of before, worry for Corpse... none of his friends had ever been genuinely worried for him before. Not in the way Sykkuno was now, not with that tone that meant they were truly worried and not just taking pity on him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“I know that now, but before… before they meant you were done with me, and it scared me.” Corpse admitted weakly, weak to the man that made him feel so many different things, all at once._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“I don’t plan to leave you anytime soon” a soft smile bloomed on Sykkuno face, sweet like chocolate-dipped candies on a warm summer night_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“You don’t know that” Corpse snapped before flinching, eyes widening in panic at his sharp tone “Shit sorry, I-”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“It’s okay, you're right, I don’t know that for the long term, but in the here and now? And hopefully, for a very long time, I don’t plan to go anywhere”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** “There’s no turning back now” He whispered, pushing the gas pedal slowly launching the car into movement once more as he drove the last few inches he needed to reach his destination, slowly turning it into the parking lot of the complex that was for visitors only.    
  
He stepped out of his car, adjusting his mask to make sure it was securely covering his face away from prying eyes, glancing down at his phone at the text he had received months ago when he had first started planning his merch release. Before the stream   
  
_ (back in the past at some point in time) _

_  
__**Corpse: Weird question. Do you know Sykkuno’s address?_ _  
__  
__Toast: Yeah, why?_ _  
__  
__Corpse: I- wanna… surprise him when my merch comes in._ _  
__  
__Toast: Wait… are you planning to bring him merch? He’s talked about you saying such since it happened but he thought you were just joking, he doesn’t want you to come unless you're comfortable enough to_ _  
__  
__Corpse: Y-yeah._ _  
__Toast: well… good luck ~insert address~ are you going to warn him? or?_ _  
__  
__Corpse: no, I want it to be a surprise, and if i warn him and back out I would feel bad over it._ _  
__  
___present__ _  
__  
__Toast: building 104 is his, take the stairs to the left, door sixty-seven, he has a little green plant sticker on the plaque so you shouldn’t miss it, his way of a joke_ _  
__  
__Corpse: Thanks._ _  
__  
__Toast: No problem_  
_  
_ “104” He spoke out loud, using the numbers as a grasp to reality as he opened the back door of his car to pull the box towards him, leaving it sitting on the seat as he pulled off the hoodie he was currently wearing with one hand, folding it with care as to not ruin it in some sort of way before it was in the possession of his… friend? Boyfriend?  
  
**_“So what does this make us?” He asked as his eyes slipped closed, a yawn escaping him as a wave of tiredness washed over him, fighting to stay awake, wanting to spend as much time as he could with Sykkuno on the other end. He would gladly take any sleepless nights if the other was there with him._**  
  
**_“Whatever you want us... Corpse?…” He heard faintly as darkness claimed him, sleep grabbing ahold of him for the first time in months without it being forced. “Goodnight Corpse”_** ** _  
_****_  
_****_A pretty face with closed eyes and soft echoing snores from the slightly parted mouth greeted him in the morning as he slowly became continuous again, a smile slipping upon as he reached over, pressing the end button as to not wake the other as he stood from his bed, the bubbling happiness in his chest was a new feeling for him to have first thing in the morning... new… but welcoming._** ** _  
_****_  
_** “Sir?” A voice called, he jumped, hitting the edge of the car door a little, hissing out a small noise of pain as he turned looking for the person who spoke “Are you okay? You’ve just been standing there with your car door open, do you need any help?”  
  
“N-” He cleared his throat, fighting the growing lump of panic down, fighting it to change his voice just enough that hopefully it would be unrecognizable if this person knew of him “No, I was just scanning for sixty-seven?” He forced out, attempting to ignore all his warning signs screaming at him to get back into the car and to drive straight home without a look backward.  
  
_You want to see Sykkuno remember._ _  
__  
_ “Okay” the person shrugged, turning away “sixty-seven should be up those stairs” a hand pointed in a direction as the other opened the car next to his and the person stepped in and drove away. He sighed in relief looking at the stairs he was given.  
  
_No turning back now._ A hesitating step was taken towards the stairway, the box clenched tightly in his hold with the hoodie he had been wearing folded neatly inside. “Maybe this can wait” He mumbled as his foot connected with the bottom of the stairs “He doesn’t know you're coming, you can just turn around” his left foot raised, coming down to rest against the next step, determination filling him as he forced himself to take another step forward.  
  
_Step three. No, imagine the look of happiness when Sykkuno opens that door._ _  
__  
__Step four. The smile you like, you can see in person._ _  
__  
__Step five_ _  
__Step six_ _  
__Step seven_ _  
__  
__Step eight. You’ve been planning this for months._ _  
__  
__Step,_ He blinked, stumbling forward as his raised foot connected with empty air, _Oh, there’s no more stairs…_ He breathed, running his hand along the box to ground himself, eyes drifting across multiple doors, looking for that one plaque he needed.  
  
_Sixty-seven with a little green plant sticker,_ He chanted to himself, walking down the small hallway until his eyes landed on one door, relief flooding him at the scribbled words.  
  
Sixty-seven with a little green plant sticker resting against the word Sykkuno, this was it, he made it and he hadn’t backed out. He hadn’t crawled back to the car and got back in and went back home, holy shit he made it, this was it, fuck, fuck, fuck…  
  
_In for four, hold for seven, out at eight._  
  
_You have to knock._ _  
__  
_ Oh yeah... He raised his fist, rapping it gently across the wooden door, before stepping back, fiddling with the box, shifting his weight side to side as his gaze fixed on the door, waiting, panic growing more and more as what felt like hours passed but in reality was only a few seconds before the door swung open.  
  
His breath left him as his dark orbs meant the shocked filled chocolate ones of Sykkuno’s eyes, his heart sped up as Sykkuno looked him up and down, stun silence hung in the air as they both took in what was standing before them. “C-corpse?” lips parted with a stuttered whisper.  
  
“Sy…” He rumbled back in a deep tone, the box limp in his hold as he fought against his urges to run, run away as far as he could before the disappointment that he was so sure would be there after seeing him for the first time filled Sykkuno’s eyes, but his feet stayed rooted in place, anxiety filling him more the longer they stood there, just staring at each other without a single word, neither wanting to break it.  
  
Finally, just finally Sykkuno blinked, shaking his head a little as he looked around outside before he took a step backward causing Corpse’s heart to drop to the floor.  
  
_Shit._ His hands began to tremble, box tumbling to the floor as his grasp loosened, panic turning in his veins as Sykkuno stepped back more, he flinched waiting for the disappointment to come, but none came, only a soft frown and a flash of concern as the door was held open wider.  
  
“Shit!” Corpse watched pink lips form words, barely registering them in the haze he was in, head spinning as he tried to grasp reality, flinching as a slender arm reached out, hand closing around his own, he stared barely, watching the lips move but all he heard was static silence.  
  
A soft **_“Corpse”_** broke through the static, hazy but there as he was led through the door “Box” He tried to force out desperately but he couldn’t tell if the other had heard him or if he hadn’t spoken “T-the box” He tried again. This time Sykkuno did hear him, pausing briefly in leading Corpse into the apartment but his hand wasn’t letting go and Sykkuno continued to walk until they reached a couch and pushed him down onto it.  
  
A hand cupped his cheek briefly before withdrawing, footsteps echoing as Sykkuno moved, audio breathing heard loudly and clearly in the small room, a soft gasp that caused spikes of pain in his chest leaving him in short fast burst as he sat upon the soft furnished couch, gripping at the throw blanket that was laid there.  
  
“Sykkuno?” He choked out after a few moments of silence, a shuffle of feet meant his ears before the suffocating silence took over once more, the sound of running water breaking through the fog and more footfalls before a figure crouched in front of him and a warm hand in circled his own, He nearly cried as the grasp burned into him, nerves shoot overwhelmingly. The grasp jerked away as a whimper escaped his throat, the clanking of something being set on wood and another soft shuffle before the hand slipped into his again, squeezing tightly but softly at the same time.  
  
“Corpse” The soft voice muttered again, hot breath fluttering across his face, causing him to groan at the sensation as his eyes blinked open, coming face to face with Sykkuno, who was kneeling in front of him, concerned. “Can you breathe for me please?” Mumbled words grounded him as he took a shuddering breath.  
  
“I’m sorry” He finally choked out as his heart slowed down to a more even beat, He attempted to pull away from Sykkuno’s grasp but his hand was squeezed harder, making him unable to. “Didn’t” He started blinking rapidly as he started to tear up.  
  
“It's okay,” Sykkuno mumbled, releasing his hold just a little, his other arm reaching out towards the table to pick up the glass of water, pressing it into Corpse’s hand. “Try and drink this, it’ll help your sore throat” Sykkuno muttered softly, pulling away fully and taking a small step back, Corpse tracked his movements, lifting the cup to his lips to take a small sip, wandering how Sykkuno would know that his throat was dry.  
  
A shuddering breath was released into the air as Corpse tried to find the words to say but his voice escaped him leaving a heavy silence hanging in the room. He took another sip, gathering his thoughts, eyes darting around the room to avoid looking at Sykkuno.  
  
“The box” He finally managed to choke out causing Sykkuno’s head to snap up in surprise at the sudden noise, body shuddering just a little, so small that neither noticed nor called attention to it. “I dropped it…” He muttered, ducking his head in shame.  
  
_Great… He already ruined Sykkuno’s gift._ _  
__  
__Orse_   
  
He snapped out of his thoughts as the spoken words reached his ears, breaking him from his self-loathing “Sorry, what? I um” He tried to force a smile as he trailed off, looking at Sykkuno, whose eyes were filled with nothing but concerned as he studied Corpse's face. He didn’t want Sykkuno to be worried for him, and the look didn’t belong on the kind face that was always taken over by a hidden smile   
  
“I said I got the box” The voice was soft and sweet, barely aggravating the pressing headache he felt from the number of emotions he was feeling all at once, he should be used to headaches and pain, it was a part of his everyday life pretty much but every time he felt even more empty as they crept over him day after day after painful day, nothing took away the pain completely but he found that sometimes the little things made the pain worth it.  
  
Sykkuno made it worth it, the kind spoken man who was everything Corpse wish he was made the pain worth it, Sykkuno made the bleak sombre sky he always saw, colourful and vibrate, instead of the empty dull blues and grays he always saw, the sky was filled with tangerine oranges and vibrant baby blues when he was talking to the other.  
  
Sykkuno made waking up worth it, Sykkuno made the task that was the hardest for him worth it, made the never-ending pain worth it, and…  
  
_He hated that Sykkuno made all these things worth it. Because once the other left him… all the colour he saw would go away along with him because without Sykkuno, he barely saw colour._ _  
__  
_ But he was selfish so he clung to whatever he could get, He clung to every single word Sykkuno spoke, every single interaction they had, He clings to with hopeless want, capturing it into a brain that barely could remember to wake up in the morning, a brain that could barely hold onto what its name was, a brain that's memory lagged constantly that they had to use sticky notes to remember the simplest of things...  
  
Sykkuno made everything in his life so much more worth it, and he was going to try his damn hardest to give the other everything he deserved for as long as he could, even if the thought of Sykkuno leaving tore him apart little by little the more he dwelled on the thoughts.  
  
“Y-you can open it, i-its for you” He choked out, curling into himself more, He didn’t want to see Sykkunos face as he opened it, what if he was disappointed by it? What if it isn’t what he wanted? What if it was too small? Too big? What if Sykkuno was joking about wanting it? What if he went too far by coming here to deliver it? He should have just mailed it instead of coming this was a mistake. A horrible mistake he could never take back.

  
_ Fuck _   
  
“C-corpse” His name was whispered with a soft gasp, drawing his attention into focus, He looked up weekly searching for the displeasure he was sure Sykkuno would have in his eyes but he couldn’t find it in the other, all he saw was love and it left him with nothing but confusion.   
  
“Y-yes?”   
  
“You didn’t have to”   
  
“But” His mind reeled at the words, he remembered a time where all his friends or people he liked had only ever wanted things from him. No matter if he felt he couldn’t provide and sometimes even vocalized such before realising that just saying silent and doing led to a better outcome and here Sykkuno was saying he didn’t have to do what he did. That he didn’t have to bring the hoodie in person.   
\-------   
  
“Thank you, I love it Corpse” Sykkuno breathed out watching Corpse, He grinned standing up which made Corpse’s head jerk up, a wounded look crossing the face before melting into a blank look “I’m just putting it on,” He said calmly as to ease the anxious younger man, His arms raising to slip on the fabric.   
  
“O-oh” Corpse breathed out, eyes tracking the movement with rapid attention, Sykkuno noticed pupils dilating just a little and a small smirk crossed his lips briefly before settling on a smile.   
  
Tugging the hoodie down so it covered his entire chest he glanced toward the floor length mirror that sat in the corner, studying himself before glancing back at his friend “So.. uh... Um… how do I look? Corpse? Not too edgy right?” a giggle escaped him as he joked, hands running down the article of clothing smoothing out any wrinkles that it had developed in the journey to his house.   
  
“it, you, you" Corpse stuttered breathlessly as he stared "uh" his mind felt heavy as he struggled to come up with the words to describe how fuckin… gorgeous… Sykkuno looked dressed in his merchandising… in his clothes... since that hoodie that adorn the other in such a perfect manor was once worn for two weeks straight by him.

"Corpse?"

"You um…. You look gorgeous Sy" He breathed out finally, eyes wide as they ran over the other once more, gasping as the other blushed, red dusting gentle cheeks, He stood up walking over to Sykkuno, hesitating as he approached "I um, you look amazing in my clothes" his tone darkened a little, becoming deeper as he stared into the pair of chocolate eyes.  
  
**_“Sy?” He muttered, fiddling with one of his rings as he avoided looking at Sykkuno, heart rate picking up just the slightest as he thought over his next words._** ** _  
_****_  
_****_“Yes?” He swore his heart went even faster at the simple word spoken but he tried not focusing on it as he finally made himself look up at the other through the screen_** ** _  
_****_  
_****_“Have I ever told you how grateful I am that I meant you?”_** ** _  
_****_  
_****_“You don’t have to, words aren't needed to know that you are Corpse, you show such in little ways everyday even if you don’t mean to do such” Sykkuno grinned at him making his heart stutter for a moment, a breathless smile overcoming his face, “you have a beautiful smile Corpse, i'm glad I got to see it” Sykkuno laughed gently, covering his mouth as his eyes sparkled._**  
  
An Adam apple bobbed as the throat it belonged to gulped, a face flushing darkly as a small giggle let out into the air, mouth moving to form teasing words that rose barely above a whisper “your clothes?” (um… i know i need to put something here but i can't think of what lol help)  
  
“Yeah” Corpse smirked, taking the final step towards him, confidence growing in him the closer he got to Sykkuno. “My clothes” He breathed out, taking in the other. Sykkuno basically swam in the hoodie, sleeves long enough to cover his hands with ease and down to his knees almost like a blanket. He looked absolutely gorgeous and amazing, he didn’t know how he got so lucky to meet him, he hadn’t deserved to meet the other.  
  
He hadn’t deserved to meet the other, he really didn’t but that day he dragged himself out of bed for Jack because he needed one more person to fill in a spot in a game that was so simple it was stupid, that one single day, he wouldn’t trade for the world.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoped you all enjoy!


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